Rainbow.

I've been thinking these few days. And i guess today i finally did get through all the things that happened. Thanks to some help from my babe and her sister. :)

Was sleeping like a pig from 12am to 2pm lol. The sleeping pills really work wtf. (Don't take sleeping pills, i'm throwing mine away.) Got off from bed and went to get ready for some serious talk with them. Settle down at Sense Cafe and then they told me they wanted to head Genting and i was like "THEN WHY THE HECK WE ARE STILL AT PUCHONG?" Cause of the stupid weather laaaaaa damn. :(

Sense Cafe is going bankrupt, i think. They use plastic and paper cup for food and drinks. I'm like wtf why my hot mocha don't have cute lil' cartoon on it? Disappointed much! Had some talk but i dint really listen much. All i know that is i don't understand the reason, i don't understand what happened, i don't understand. But then there's a question, do you think you don't understand? Or do you just simply don't want to understand?

They took my back to their place to play with some cute lil' rabbits! Ahaha i like the one with the whole white fur. So adorableeeeee! And guess what! They shit while they're eating HAHAHA. It's like the food just went in their mouth and the shit came out from their butt lol. Weird, but cute.

This is the big fat one that jumped out from the jungle. JUST KIDDING HAHAHAHA

After that we went to Cheras night market. Arghhhh so crowded i don't feel like eating or buying anything. And in that few hours, i kept on thinking about what her sister just told me. Maybe we both were wrong. Maybe it's time to let go and move on to a better one.

BUT, WHAT IF I WASN'T READY TO LET GO?

They say, live your life to the fullest, do things that made you happy. And there's that thought. If i'm happy loving him, why not wait? Even if there would be a little pain along the process, a little tears may fall. But if i'm happy, there's no harm going through a little pain. No one said that life would always be perfect, life would always have it's ups and downs. It's just how you see it.

I know that i've been too desperate and emotional these few days. And that everyone is worried sick about me.

"Where are you? Why aren't you replying my message? I'm worry. Please reply me. From SAD :-( MUM" My mum.


"Where are you going? Why aren't you telling me and mum where you are? Who are you with? Reply me please." My dad.


"It hurts me to see my child to not eat, not talk, and crying the whole night." My house maid.


"When i saw your pale face i don't know what to say. Where is that girl with full of confidence went to?" My babe.


"Be happy. You always have us by your side." My college friends.


"You're always the best friend who kept on scolding me and yelling at me. But now to see you with tears, even i feel sad because of you."


"It's not your fault. You're just not strong enough, not cruel enough." My best friend.

Words that made me realize that i'm not alone. That someone still loves and cares about me. Thank you guys for always being here whenever i'm in a good condition or bad one. And maybe because of these words, these people, i finally woke up. Guess i just need a little knock on my head like this.

Ouch that hurts. But no pain no gain right? I decided to not move out anymore. Living with a house full of guys wasn't the best option lol. Don't wanna be raped and get myself in the newspaper. And i'm gonna try to quit smoking. No more Malboro Mint, Dunhill Light or whatever brand of cigarettes. Won't want my asthma to come back.

I guess waiting is kinda a stupid decision. To wait for someone who might and might not come back is like betting all of your money on a game. If you win you got everything back like you wanted to, if you lose you lose everything that you had and you're left with nothing but empty handed. But i guess i'll take the bet. I wouldn't want to let this relationship slide off my bare hands without doing anything. If this relationship have to end, there must be a reason to convince me to raise my white flag and declare that i gave up. But i'm not going to give up so easily, not now.

I want to hug you to sleep, to hold your hand like how we used to, to own you. Although there's no promises that you'll be back. But there's no harm trying i guess. Maybe if i worked a lil' bit more harder, changed a lil' bit of my bad habits, he'll come back to me? Idk. I hope so. I pray so.

Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain.

But you can't make a rainbow without a little pain. :)