Love left us.

I guessed i finally did realize what had just happened. None of us choose to leave, none of us choose to gave up, love left us without a sign, without a reason to tell us why.

Everything is like too dramatic. The dumped woman, the heartless man, the jealous ex. What else? The dead cat? I don't understand why things turn up this way. I don't understand why love could turn into hatred. Why human could let go of all the things that made them happy just to remember the things that made them angry. They say that if you love someone too much, you started hating them. Cursing them about their soul that betrayed you, cursing them about their heart who left you.

But yet, i still don't understand. Why hate someone you love so much? Why forget all those happy moments and remember those moment where anger and hatred is spoken out accidentally? Why?





我不明白爱会怎么变成很。

爱会变成很，因为另一半深入自己太深。然后侵犯了自己的死穴。在爱情里，自己的心房越容易被深入，而那道防线因为爱情而被破坏。因而让对方在自己的心房自由进出，那样也会造成对方不小心就会侵犯了自己心里那些不赞同的事物，事情和态度。


因爱成恨的感觉要怎么变回当初的爱。

通常是不会再次变回爱的。人其实很奇怪，一旦自己认为被侵犯，就会无论如何坚持自己的恨。除非这个恨，不是自己想要的，而是被某种事情或环境所逼的。又或者，那个人过后发现其实被侵犯的原来没有自己想象中的恨，那样就有可能变回爱。


为什么好记住那人的不好而忽略他的好。

因为差不多 97% 的人都带着种想法。就是我可以负所有的人，但没有一个能负我。


那么恨会走吗。

答案未有。




Us were never a dream. Those laughters, those days, that love, it really did happened. We just let the anger carry those memories away. Daddy taught me not to speak when i'm angry. I guess now i know why. When we're angry, we speak without going through our mind, we raised our voices, and that will eventually lead one into an argument. And the argument yesterday was the worst of them all. We kept our pride, gave up the argument, and lose each other. But is the love gone? I don't know about him. But mine was never dead. Maybe because i hold on to those happy memories but was hurt from the argument. But i'm clear that i wouldn't let love die because of some silly argument that we both claimed is each other fault. Yes i admit i am stubborn. But what do you think? If you're married and you had a major argument with your spouse, are you gonna just asked the lawyer to prepare the divorce agreement? Think about it.

I was so into you. I will try anything to have you back. But then the argument made me realize, love changed. The person in the other end of the line, wasn't the person i was so in love with. I'm in love with the person that he used to be, i was holding onto the pass. And then it stroke to me, i forgotten the reason that i hold on for so long. I forgotten why was i blinded by the pass, and overlook my future. If love isn't there, there is no reason for me to wait for the love that have left us. Like they say, Lord will tie those couples that are fated together with a red string in heaven, as the bridegroom will tie the bride with the wedding ring.

But there's a truth that i have to say, i really did loved you. And i could tell my family did liked you too. How proud i was when friends said that you look like a great guy and i was so lucky that i owned this guy. How joyful i am when my family thinks that you're someone to rely on, that they hand in their child for you because they trusted you. And it's sad to say that we let everyone down. Our relationship had disappointed everyone that think we're perfect, that blessed us with their sincere hearts. We failed. One of my regrets in life.

Could have love you all my life if you hadn't left me waiting in the cold. 

Rainbow.

I've been thinking these few days. And i guess today i finally did get through all the things that happened. Thanks to some help from my babe and her sister. :)

Was sleeping like a pig from 12am to 2pm lol. The sleeping pills really work wtf. (Don't take sleeping pills, i'm throwing mine away.) Got off from bed and went to get ready for some serious talk with them. Settle down at Sense Cafe and then they told me they wanted to head Genting and i was like "THEN WHY THE HECK WE ARE STILL AT PUCHONG?" Cause of the stupid weather laaaaaa damn. :(

Sense Cafe is going bankrupt, i think. They use plastic and paper cup for food and drinks. I'm like wtf why my hot mocha don't have cute lil' cartoon on it? Disappointed much! Had some talk but i dint really listen much. All i know that is i don't understand the reason, i don't understand what happened, i don't understand. But then there's a question, do you think you don't understand? Or do you just simply don't want to understand?

They took my back to their place to play with some cute lil' rabbits! Ahaha i like the one with the whole white fur. So adorableeeeee! And guess what! They shit while they're eating HAHAHA. It's like the food just went in their mouth and the shit came out from their butt lol. Weird, but cute.

This is the big fat one that jumped out from the jungle. JUST KIDDING HAHAHAHA

After that we went to Cheras night market. Arghhhh so crowded i don't feel like eating or buying anything. And in that few hours, i kept on thinking about what her sister just told me. Maybe we both were wrong. Maybe it's time to let go and move on to a better one.

BUT, WHAT IF I WASN'T READY TO LET GO?

They say, live your life to the fullest, do things that made you happy. And there's that thought. If i'm happy loving him, why not wait? Even if there would be a little pain along the process, a little tears may fall. But if i'm happy, there's no harm going through a little pain. No one said that life would always be perfect, life would always have it's ups and downs. It's just how you see it.

I know that i've been too desperate and emotional these few days. And that everyone is worried sick about me.

"Where are you? Why aren't you replying my message? I'm worry. Please reply me. From SAD :-( MUM" My mum.


"Where are you going? Why aren't you telling me and mum where you are? Who are you with? Reply me please." My dad.


"It hurts me to see my child to not eat, not talk, and crying the whole night." My house maid.


"When i saw your pale face i don't know what to say. Where is that girl with full of confidence went to?" My babe.


"Be happy. You always have us by your side." My college friends.


"You're always the best friend who kept on scolding me and yelling at me. But now to see you with tears, even i feel sad because of you."


"It's not your fault. You're just not strong enough, not cruel enough." My best friend.

Words that made me realize that i'm not alone. That someone still loves and cares about me. Thank you guys for always being here whenever i'm in a good condition or bad one. And maybe because of these words, these people, i finally woke up. Guess i just need a little knock on my head like this.

Ouch that hurts. But no pain no gain right? I decided to not move out anymore. Living with a house full of guys wasn't the best option lol. Don't wanna be raped and get myself in the newspaper. And i'm gonna try to quit smoking. No more Malboro Mint, Dunhill Light or whatever brand of cigarettes. Won't want my asthma to come back.

I guess waiting is kinda a stupid decision. To wait for someone who might and might not come back is like betting all of your money on a game. If you win you got everything back like you wanted to, if you lose you lose everything that you had and you're left with nothing but empty handed. But i guess i'll take the bet. I wouldn't want to let this relationship slide off my bare hands without doing anything. If this relationship have to end, there must be a reason to convince me to raise my white flag and declare that i gave up. But i'm not going to give up so easily, not now.

I want to hug you to sleep, to hold your hand like how we used to, to own you. Although there's no promises that you'll be back. But there's no harm trying i guess. Maybe if i worked a lil' bit more harder, changed a lil' bit of my bad habits, he'll come back to me? Idk. I hope so. I pray so.

Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain.

But you can't make a rainbow without a little pain. :)

Ouch.

I was telling myself to think positive the whole day. I even smiled when i bought the bread. Wondering what reaction would he have. Wondering if it could just make things a lil' better. But i guess thinking positive doesn't work. Things doesn't go well like i pray it would. And from that moment, from the moment he raised his voice, from that moment the hatred in his eyes, his eyes was always gentle to me, till that moment, it changed. Till that moment, i gave up.

All i can do is run away. Heart is beating like it's having an earthquake, eyes full of tears, fist full of anger, heart full of fear. I dint even look at the cars when i'm running across the road. Idk wth i'm thinking, almost had an accident wtf. Sat down at a coffee shop. And there's goes the day.

No phone calls, no texts, nothing. Guess that's how it ends huh. Ever regretted? Yes. I regretted for being angry. I regretted that i let go in the first place. I REGRETTED THAT I LOSE YOU BECAUSE I WANTED TO KEEP EVERYTHING I HAD. UNTIL I REALIZE YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING. Yes, i regretted, alot.

But sorry doesn't works anymore. Crying doesn't save out relationship anymore. It's gone, ended, dead. I tried everything, but everything doesn't work. And there's the thought, maybe i should just leave, leave the house, leave my family, leave my friends. And wonder to some new place to get my heart patched. But where? How? If i have a car i would leave. If i have the money i would leave. But i don't. Guess things can't always works like i wanted it to.

How i hope that there's a time machine. I'll give out everything just to have that chance to go back and change the things i did, the things i said, the love i lost. If there's still a chance, i would rather lose everything i had, rather to lose the one i love.

R.I.P.

Haven been eating for days. And guess what happen. Diet plan succeed! But to tell the truth, it wasn't a plan at all. I never thought of dieting. I guess all the things that happen around me made me lost my appetite at all. Even if i'm hungry, i couldn't eat. I guess i have anorexia.

Went out with family to had lunch. But i dint eat much, no appetite lol. Was at Redbox the whole afternoon. Crying alone in a dark room with beer and cigar feel so pathetic right now. Until my babes came storming in and took my cigar away and scolded me like i'm a fucking bitch that doesn't know better. Words from their mouth stroke into my heart like i'm being stabbed. Painful, but real.

Life sucks. Relationship is even suck-ier! How i feel like hanging myself up and forgot the shit you gave me. But i can't, couldn't and wouldn't. I would be letting everyone down. Family, friends and myself. Families are worry because i don't talk, i don't eat, i don't even sleep anymore. Friends are sad because i look pale, i don't smile nor laugh anymore.

I guess i'm nothing but dead.

Revived.

Hola. It's been a long time since i blogged. My apologies, i was busy with college, friends and also final. Good news is my final has ended and i'm back blogging. Bad news is there won't be much thing to blog anymore. Well, i guessed. Something happened, and i guess life wasn't that perfect and happy like what it had been back then. But what the heck, life goes on.

I finished my last paper at Friday. After the last paper everyone face goes like this.

5 weeks of holiday, FINALLY!  

Went Sunway with my college buds to watch Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. I sat beside Janice and we were like "AHHHH!" "OMGGG!" and "NOOOO!". LOL. Enjoyed my day with them.

Having 5 weeks of holiday. I'm not gonna waste it. Going to Redang with my buds at July. So i guess i'm gonna find a part time job to earn some lil' money for myself. Kinda bankrupt lol. Any job recommended? No promoter job. But maybe Bar of Club ambassador? Idk yet. I need a highly paid job with short working time. I need $MONEY$.

I'll post more at my next post. About relationship, heart breaking moments, touching love and of course, clubber's life. Stay tuned!